On perspective

I realized today that I will very likely not change the world but I can damn sure change the way I see it.

Something is happening in my head.

Something evolutionary.

Revolutionary? No. Not in the grand scheme of things. People do this every day.

When I went to lunch today, I held the door for a woman who didn’t say thank you. She didn’t even seem to register that I had held the door, she didn’t even look at me. I responded in the way that I’m used to. In my snottiest voice, the one that will make your insides quiver, I said “You’re Welcome”. She stopped at stared at me with daggers in her eyes. I was furious.

Of course I tweeted about it. I wanted everyone to know about this injustice.

Then, as I was reading through the responses. I started replying to one. Almost without even thinking. I do that a lot, respond without thinking. It’s not the talking out my ass response though. I’m good at talking to people, I don’t have to spend time pouring over what to say.

I started typing something to the effect of “in retrospect I shouldn’t have said it with any attitude…” Mid keystroke it hit me.

I shouldn’t have done that.

I don’t mean it hit me in the sense that I was responding with something that I didn’t mean. I knew I shouldn’t have said that. I knew it logically. When it hit me though, I knew it somewhere else. I don’t know where.

It was just different.

I’m not making any grand promises about sweeping changes. I’m just going to see where this takes me and for once I’m going to let go of the reins.

    • Mom
    • August 3rd, 2010

    This was a profound, and rare, gift. From who or what, I don’t know. I do know that I am grateful it was given to you.
    Some, on being given this gift, would see it as a religious experience; others would see it as a cosmic connection, a “click” moment.
    However you perceive this, Jamileh, cherish it, and let it carry you on to whatever wonders are around each bend.
    I love you.

  1. I was taught to always open the door for people. Ask Kat, she knows. :)

    My sister put me into perspective about when people who don’t acknowledge or thank you when holding/opening a door for them. Maybe that lady is going through something bad in her personal life or she could just be a complete bitch. In any case, all you can do is wish them the best of luck.

    You did a good deed and on behalf of her, I thank you for that. :)

  2. Oh. How I love this. And your writing. You have a nice way with words.

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