on poetry….

A couple of old poems:

<warning – severely emo and often crappy poetry>

Your Mistress is a Memory

Wisps of a memory slither in through walls built from pain

Finding the cracks you forgot to fill.

Wrapping itself around you, squeezing your mind and draining your heart.

You patch the holes in your wall but you leave the door open for the memories to come in

Sabotage.

Wanting to be free, but won’t let go

The memory settles like fog in the depth of your soul.

You crave what you cannot have while refusing what you can.

_______________________
She walks along, ignoring the voices
turning away from the warnings
ignoring the signs
She does what her heart wants

Head down, eyes focused.

She travels down the path
blind to the obvious
deaf to the cries
She does what her heart wants

Quickens her pace.

She crashes through the branches
climbs over the walls
pushes past the weeds
She does what her heart wants

Determined.

She nurses her wounds
bandages her cuts
pushes through the pain
She does what her heart wants

Wipes the tears from her eyes.

She reaches the clearing
limps to the middle
raises her hands to the sun
She gets what her heart wants

_______________________
If I could run my hand down the side of your face…
the world would be ok.

If I could tell you that it’s not to late…
the world would be ok.

If I could show you that you can still have faith.

If I could hold your hand until the pain fades…
the world would be ok.

If I could cry for you
feel for you
ache for you

so you don’t have to…
the world be ok.

_______________________

I am not your toy
I am vibrant
I am intelligent
I am alive
I am not yours
I am fascinating
I am sexual
I am good
I am not a token
I am not a last resort
I am the reason
I am the why
I am not the maybe
You are not my life
I am whole
I am here
I do not need you to tell me that Im special
I do not need you to show me that you care
I do not need to you give me your attention 
I am validated
I am aware
I am okay
You are not my pride
You are not my verve
I am my motivation
I am my ambition
 
I simply am.

_______________________

Betrayed

how I waited for you
longed for you
needed you 
 
you said through thick and thin 
for better or for worse
 
you lied. 
 
you broke me
made my worst nightmare come true
 
i can’t get the image out of my head
 
god how i love you 
how i want to think it was all a dream
why can’t i wake up
 
i don’t know what to do, where to start or how to feel
 
i’m calm now
but there is a surging wave of emotion building inside me
 
hurt shame anger fear inadequacy
 
was she prettier than me?
was she skinny and cute?
did she do everything you asked her to?
 
did you think about your family? your son? 
did you think about what you’d lose for those moments of false happiness?
 
how could you do this? you ruined it. 
 
you said you were “over it”, you’d had time to think. you say you’re still upset and ashamed and it’s tearing you up inside. 
 
yet you didn’t try to comfort me you didn’t even care. 
 
i’m not over it and i don’t want to think. 
 
you make the decision to stay or to go.
 
i feel sick

_______________________

you

for hours i could watch you
listen to you
feel you
for hours i could want you
hold you
need you
for hours i can pretend that i have you
with me
always
i am captivated
awed
stunned
by your wisdom
your views
your reasons
i am taken in by your words
your eyes
your essence
your very being

_______________________

Missing You

I just wanted to tell you that I love you
I wanted you to know I care
You should know that my life is nothing without you 
And that you are my everything.
 
I just wanted to tell you that I need you 
I wanted you to know youre missed
You should know that your presence is calming 
And that your touch can heal my pain.
 
I just wanted to tell you that Im proud
I wanted you to know that I smile when I think of you
You should know that youre making a difference
And that your bravery is felt the world around. 
 
I just wanted to tell you that I love you 
I wanted you to know I cry
You should know that your love is precious
And that I pray for you to come home.

_______________________

temptations

An innocent glance
A roaming stare
A subtle touch 
 
Forbidden thoughts erupt 
Emotions swirl with increasing force
Temptation looms
 
A secret meeting
Perhaps by fate
A shared embrace
 
A moment of laughter
A twinge of regret
A sly smile
 
A slow lingering kiss
Fingertips 
Shivers 
 
To close to resist
Skin against skin
Passion exists

_______________________

Twisting

With deep despair
I imagine you there. 
 
I hear your voice pleading with me to stay
I see your thoughts telling me to go away
 
You twist me around and trick my heart again.
I have no concept of where to begin
 
I knew you once, a long time ago
You’ve changed since then, you know. 
 
You’re not the one I thought I loved
You’re not the one who cared. 
You’re not the one who held me close and put to rest all my fears. 
 
You’re a problem now; a situation to be dealt with. 
You’re a convenience, an easy-out and the reason for my tears. 
 
I tried to keep you. I tried to be perfect. I tried to be yours
It wasn’t good enough, it wasnt right. 
It wasn’t me you wanted at night. 
 
I hate myself for not being what you want 
I hate myself for wanting to be what you want. 

_______________________

Desire

A smoldering ache burns within 
A shiver caresses her body; awakening long dormant desires 
She reaches for him slowly
Hungering for his touch.
 
He goes to her tenderly
Drinking in the sight of her beauty
He touches her milky skin 
And feels a slow stirring
 
She rises to meet him
Barely able to contain herself
She draws him to her
And presses him close. 
 
 He traces her curves gently
Just a fingertip
Shaking with anticipation 
He kisses her lips.
 
She cannot wait
She needs him now
 
He senses her desire
And meets her there
 
Her hips rise to his
And the world disappears
Moving together they are as one
A final sigh of pleasure and they are done.
 
She reaches out to hold him close
Swearing she’ll never let go
 
Holding her tightly, he looks in her eyes. 
He tells her he loves her
 
True love never dies.

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